


Flowering Feelings

by Dreamofshadows



Series: Legends snapshots (Chaelisa and Jensoo) [5]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Feelings Realization, Feels, Flowers, Fluff, Lisa and Seulgi Have a Talk, Memories, Separations, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29877267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamofshadows/pseuds/Dreamofshadows
Summary: Lisa has recently laid down her weapons and picked up gardening.She tells Seulgi why.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Kim Jisoo, Kim Yerim | Yeri/Park Sooyoung | Joy, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Series: Legends snapshots (Chaelisa and Jensoo) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004592
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Flowering Feelings

"Well someone's in a good mood..."

Lisa rolled her eyes as a shadow loomed over her. "What is it now, Kang?"

"Oh nothing," Seulgi smirked, tipping her sun-hat. "Just admiring the view. How's the garden coming along?"

"It's not a gard-tcch! You know what, screw off if you ain't gonna be helping," Lisa grumbled as she turned her back and continued weeding and digging with the trowel, working industriously as she wiped sweat with the back of one very grimy hand.

"What is it then?" Seulgi asked, genuinely curious. "You've been working on it since morning, what's got you all in a frenzy?"

"None of your business honestly, if you're not gonna be helping away with your face. Go bother someone else."

"Alright alright," Seulgi sighed as she crouched down low and picked up a trowel. "So, where do I begin?"

Lisa smiled, pleased. "That flower bed over there looks like it could do with a spot of weeding, farmer Kang."

Seulgi smiled faintly. "Farmer Kang...been a while..."

Lisa nodded, remembering meeting Seulgi, a scruffy, stick-thin eleven year-old farmhand and watching her struggle to plough the land as she helped her wicked uncle sow and plant seedlings. Lisa had managed to help Seulgi escape her troubled home and join the army as teens alongside Jisoo.

"I had no idea you had them green fingers in you though, Manoban," Seulgi commented at length, sitting back up and cracking her stiff fingers. She winced, squinting at her fresh blisters. "How long you been keeping this up?" She gestured at the various rows of flowers, bushes and neat parallel furrows in the dark soil. "You're good at sneaking."

"It's something of...an experiment," Lisa said at last. "I've been growing this patch for a good while now. Cookie said she was okay with me having it, since she has plenty other space for the vegetables and she gets a lot of vittles from the farmer's market any way. She also helped me set up and advised me what flowers would be hardy enough to raise. Since I'm a beginner and all."

"I'm impressed though," Seulgi said genuinely, enjoying her vision assaulted by a patchwork of colours from the different variety of flowers in full bloom. "You certainly have quite the little garden prepared for Chaeyoung."

"Oh yeah I hope she likes it, she mentioned sunflowers are her favourite when she does flower arrangements so I hope she—wait a second!"

Seulgi chortled at Lisa's appalled expression as she sat back, holding her stomach. "You're not as slick as you think, Lis. I've been watching you. You barely go around any courtesan house, you don't let Chaeyoung come for you in the morning and you've grown softer and more patient with her—"

"I'm not softer!" Lisa growled in disdain. "And I thought you were the one to tell me to be more civil. Or have you forgotten?"

Seulgi laid a calming hand on her arm. "Lisa, there's nothing wrong with being gentle with other people. Being gentle doesn't mean you're weak. And Chaeyoung deserves a break from your barrage of abrasive insults. You used to make the girl absolutely miserable."

She eyed Lisa closely. "But something changed... after she got kidnapped."

Lisa avoided her gaze, swallowing as she came to a decision. "Fine. You're right, you got me. I...I think I have feelings for her," she admitted, "real feelings. They won't go away. I confessed but I don't think she heard me...we didn't really talk about it..."

She remembered the night she kissed Chaeyoung after baring her heart out in the darkness, remembered how she ran out on the confused girl when panic blinded her, remembered the awkward skirting around the subject, remembered the lingering tension when they were alone together in a room simmering just beneath the surface, remembered how Chaeyoung had taken to blush and quickly duck her head at times when their gazes met...

Lisa shook her head, sighing. "Go ahead. Knock yourself out laughing."

To her surprise, Seulgi didn't laugh or tease. Instead, her face had broken into a soft smile.

"You're not gonna...tease me?" Lisa asked suspiciously. "Not gonna have your revenge?" She remembered all the times she made fun of the girl for hanging on to the notion of love, foolishly unaware of its all-consuming power until she was deep in thrall to a girl who just wouldn't leave her mind.

"No," Seulgi said idly, flopping on her back and tilting her hat to shield her eyes from the glare. She bent her arms under head, with only the bottom half of her face visible as her mouth slowly cracked open in a toothy smile. "I'll save that for the wedding."

Lisa spluttered. "Why you—I don't even—Seulgi!"

"Relax, will ya?" Seulgi's smirk never faded. "Gosh, never thought I'd see the day when Manoban gives up on prostitutes and settles down."

"I'm not settling down!" Lisa said righteously. "I can go out and book any courtesan and screw her brains out, on the double."

"Fine, how about we go down to the harbour tonight then?" Seulgi challenged.

She shook her head when Lisa bit her lip in hesitation and turned away. 

"Shame on you Lis. Why try hiding your true feelings? You care about her. I may not be able to keep up with your sneaking around, but I'm not that blind. By the nine-tailed fox, you built this garden from scratch even though you have zero idea of how to maintain it. You asked for outside help, which is unheard of from you. By the looks of it, you spent a great deal of effort and time to maintain it. All this because Chaeyoung mentioned she liked flowers and likes to do flower arrangements in her spare time. Need I go on and mention—"

"Gi, I'm just...I'm just scared," Lisa said at last, swallowing hard. She fidgeted with her hand rake.

"Scared," Seulgi repeated, as though the word was foreign coming out of Lisa's mouth, "scared of what?"

"There's...there's so much, I don't even know where to start." Lisa looked overwhelmed. "I don't want to change who I am right now Seulgi. I still am a warrior, what if...what if caring about someone changes that?" she asked, choosing her words carefully. "What if I get too soft and—"

"Bull," Seulgi said calmly. "You see how disgustingly in love Joy and Yeri are. Are they any less fierce in battle? If anything, I think they have more fire and determination—they have each other to protect first and foremost, and they have each other to return to. Love is a very powerful motivator Lalisa. It can give you courage to do almost anything. Look at our General. Enduring two solid years of torture simply because of her love and her hope of returning to Jennie's side."

Lisa nodded slowly. Seulgi pretended to tick something off an invisible list. "Next issue."

"I erm...I'm not sure she likes me the way I seem to like her."

"Hmm now that's a more tough nut to crack. To be honest if I were her I'd give you the cold shoulder, because you deserve it, after all the hard time you gave her."

"Really helpful, thanks," Lisa said dryly.

"I think that's something you have to find out yourself Lali," Seulgi said gravely. "Just because I tell you that yes, I think she might harbour some measure of affection for you that goes deeper than friendship doesn't mean anything more than a little push of encouragement. You even kissed her and didn't have the guts to see what she would say?"

"I ran," Lisa admitted, "she was sleeping and I couldn't resist but everything just crashed on me when she woke up...and later we couldn't talk...there was so much going on..."

"So since then there hasn't been any hint or clue of what she feels for you? She didn't seem to be put off by it, I see you two hanging around each other regularly."

"That's the thing. I'm not sure what to think. She was...she didn't make any fuss and she didn't say anything. She just said we'd talk about it another time...this was back when...after the kidnapping."

"Ah...so that's why things changed," Seulgi said. She mused for a moment, humming under her breath. Lisa waited patiently, absently digging at some weeds close by. Bees hummed, floating from flower to flower beneath the bright sun.

"Maybe she's waiting for another sign," Seulgi said at length, " _or_ she's waiting for the right moment to give you a sign. In which case, I would tell you to keep a close watch and be attentive. Once she gives you a sign, you must decide how to react to let her know you reciprocate her feelings. Or else, find a good time to talk about that kiss and your feelings."

"I'm not good with talking," Lisa said mournfully. "I confessed to her while she was sleeping, in the dark."

"What do you want me to to do, confess in your place?" Seulgi said in exasperation. "Man up Lisa. If you want the girl, you gotta man up. Go all in. With love, it's all or nothing otherwise, it won't last."

"Why am I taking advice from you anyway?" Lisa scoffed, "it's not like you're an expert—"

"Trust me, at least I know love when I see it and I act on it. I had that, and I helped Joy and Yeri get together. I'm no expert but I'm miles ahead of you in that department, captain."

"I suppose," Lisa conceded grudgingly. She scratched the back of her neck. "There's also the small detail that....she doesn't know a lot about my background but I'm dead certain she has an inkling and wants to ask me about it."

"Your heritage? How did she find out?" Seulgi asked curiously.

"Hanaju's followers," Lisa said bitterly, "they recognised me. And I'm certain Chaeyoung heard them."

"Ah.....but does it have to be such a big deal?" Seulgi reasoned. "She's not obsessed with taking revenge on royalty anymore, she's done with all that."

"But I just want to lay all the cards on the table, no secrets between us if I were to....start something with her," Lisa said slowly. "I want her to know, yet it's hard to talk about when I've done my best to put it out of my head..."

Seulgi sat up, resting a comforting hand on Lisa's shoulder. "When the time comes, you'll know what to do, I'm sure of it. It will be up to you to man up though, like I said. Unless you want to keep loving her from the shadows....and watch someone else take her away from you..."

The bright atmosphere was suddenly tinged with melancholy as Seulgi trailed off with a wistful glaze in her eyes that Lisa immediately recognised.

"You know, Gi," Lisa said softly, "you never told me your girl's name."

Seulgi's lips twitched up into a weak smile. "I did, you brat. Multiple times. You never cared."

That simple, short statement hit deep, making Lisa reel. "I-I know. I'm trying to be better though. I do care."

"I know," Seulgi reassured her, "you do care, it's just too subtle sometimes, unless one is used to how you operate." She took a deep breath. "Joohyun. It's Joohyun."

Lisa lapsed into silence, uncertain what to say next. Talking about emotions had never been her strong suit. Opening up and venturing out of her comfort zone in hopes of being less of an asshole had not always proved to be a pleasant experience but now that she started, she was determined not to stop. It warmed her heart to know people felt thankful for an affectionate gesture or a kind word.

But that didn't always mean she knew what to say: more often than not she struggled to say something, anything that would provide encouragement or soothe an ache.

"You're thinking so hard over there your head's gonna pop," Seulgi laughed, bringing Lisa out of her reminiscing. "Sometimes the only thing you can do, instead of spitting out some platitude, is to keep someone company, in silence."

Silence. She could do that.

"But I need to talk, not keep silent about me and myself," Lisa sighed, still fretting about her dilemma.

"There's a time and place for everything," Seulgi said wisely. "Don't question it too much; you already know what you need to know. Remember when we went to Chaeyoung's village?"

She remembered.

She remembered struggling to comprehend the terrible devastation before her when they found the remnants of Chaeyoung's village after it was raided by enemy ambush from the coast.

Chaeyoung had been so excited to go back to visit her mother and she wanted to show Lisa many things: the beach where she often dived, the cave where she hid her greatest treasures she dug up from the ocean seabed, the bluff overlooking her village where she often ran up to lie down in the sun, the delicious fish her mother cooked.

Chaeyoung's happiness about returning home after so long was infectious; deep down, Lisa was also rather excited to see where young Chaeyoung grew up.

And then the band consisting of Jisoo, Lisa, Chaeyoung and Seulgi came upon the first signs of trouble: swords and broken hatchets, arrows and spears littering the ground and surrounding area, signs of a bloody skirmish. 

Jisoo and Lisa exchanged glances, dread reflecting in each pair of eyes as their party advanced with mounting apprehension towards the remote coastal village.

"Maybe it's just some robbery," Chaeyoung said optimistically, voice higher than usual. "Heavily armed robbers attacking travelling merchants, poor people."

Lisa didn't have the heart to point out that the weapons were of a foreign make to the blades they wielded.

And then upon arrival they were greeted by the horror of the bloodbath the raiders left in their wake: not one single survivor was to be found. The houses were burned to the ground, only their foundations remained. Burnt carcasses and piles of rotting corpses that made Lisa gag were strewn along the streets. The blood had run in rivers and had dried up like red mud. Black ashes rustled and drifted in the wind as they poked around uselessly. The stench of blood, smoke and death was everywhere and brought back vivid memories for Lisa.

Jisoo walked around tight-lipped, remorse clear as day on her face: they had been too late. Nobody received any notification of this attack.

It was a terrible blow to their morale and even more so for Chaeyoung, who lost her mother, her only living relative, so abruptly.

They hadn't spoken with each other for months, ever since Chaeyoung had been recruited as a soldier. When Chaeyoung moved to the palace, Jennie had forbidden any correspondence between mother and daughter, fearing the messages would be intercepted by enemies seeking out Chaeyoung and Jennie herself.

In front of her shell of a house, biting down on her fist hard to stop herself from screaming, Chaeyoung sank to her knees and bent over until her hair touched the ground as her shoulders convulsed violently.

Lisa waited and watched.

All at once, Chaeyoung jumped to her feet and took off running blindly, dodging and ducking through structurally unsound huts and falling roofs. Lisa followed in hot pursuit, not even bothering to yell her name as their friends did. With Chaeyoung, Lisa had learned to simply follow wherever she went, much like a hunter chasing his prey.

Thus they ended up at the beach with some broken spears and signs of battle etched in the landscape: bloody pools, crusty armour with flies still hovering around skeletal remains.

Chaeyoung slowly treaded past all the horrors and dropped down to sit at the water's edge with her arms wrapped around her knees.

Lisa remembered feeling torn between hugging Chaeyoung to comfort her or giving her space and letting her mourn privately by herself. In the end, she decided to let Chaeyoung make that decision herself and walked up to the weeping girl, standing behind her.

"I'll be here if you need me. I'll wait at the edge of the beach," Lisa had said, clearing her throat. She mustered her softest voice and went on. "I don't know if you prefer to be hugged or left alone, I respect either choice. Just say the word—"

Without a word, Chaeyoung tugged a startled Lisa down from her arm, surprising her further when the blonde climbed in her lap and buried her wet face against Lisa's neck. Chaeyoung clutched Lisa's front like a newborn, her uneven breathing loud and ragged.

"Hold me," Chaeyoung whispered.

Her broken voice made Lisa's heart twist painfully, a ghostly memory flitting into her mind from the back of her head. Her arms went around Chaeyoung, hesitant at first, before tightening as Chaeyoung burrowed further against her, almost curling up into a ball as she muffled her sobs against Lisa's shirt. Her crying gradually quietened, her breathing stabilising until the small, rhythmic puffs of air against her skin let Lisa know that she had fallen asleep in her arms, exhausted from travel and high strung emotions.

And so Lisa sat on the sand with the sun beating down cheerfully overhead. She held the blonde girl in her arms without uttering a single word, her eyes fixed on the sea, until the sky turned orange and Chaeyoung roused herself.

"I had come to check on you multiple times but you didn't see me," Seulgi reminisced. "You stayed there for her, not budging an inch. Not even to take a leak, or drink water. And you covered her head with your handkerchief."

"It was hot."

"Lisa," Seulgi said gently, "if that's not what love looks like, I'll eat my hat. Deep down, I think you already know what you want. Now follow it up with action and proper words." She tipped her hat. " You got this captain."

Seulgi's words were heartening and Lisa nodded.

"I suppose you're right. This garden...is for something like that I think."

"Something like what?"

"I was planning to show it to her and...and maybe... let her know...you know," Lisa said bashfully, carefully avoiding Seulgi's gaze. "I'm very careful when I sneak here...but today I wasn't sneaky enough, clearly." She lifted her pensive eyes to her friend. "Gi, this is exactly what I'm worried about. I'm too distracted."

"That's normal and harmless," Seulgi comforted. "Besides, it's fun watching you look some lovestruck teenager in her presence, like you're living in your own world." She turned serious again and went on. "But I guarantee you, I'm dead certain that when it comes to Chaeyoung, you won't be distracted. You watch her so well. The only time she's in danger is when she gets in a right royal huff and runs away. Otherwise, you're more than capable to protect her. And stop blaming yourself for her kidnapping—she is a grown woman, not a child. Don't forget to respect her space."

"Mmm...maybe you're right. I hope you're right," Lisa said solemnly.

"I always am," Seulgi said airily, "distracted? No. But doing crazy things for her because you love her? Yes and plenty. I can't wait to see you being a complete lovesick fool. Now, when do you think you'll profess your undying devotion? And don't give me crap about not ready or too soon. This place is bursting with greenery, everything is in full bloom and there's nowhere else to plant anything. Maybe it's time."

"Well to tell you the truth...I was hoping maybe...tomorrow," Lisa said tentatively, smiling sheepishly when Seulgi's jaw dropped.

"You...wow Manoban, just wow," Seulgi said in wonder. "Crazy right off the bat indeed. Truly, love does work wonders. And do you mean to tell me you were actually going in to this thing with all your doubts, stammering and stuttering and hum-ing and haw-ing?"

"I'm not too sure myself," Lisa admitted, "but I'm sure Chaeyoung will be patient with me. She always has been, even when she was yelling. Maybe when I stand in front of her and look her in the eyes, really just look at her properly, maybe I'll get my words out. I'll get that one final push. I have to try, at least. You're right Gi: I know what needs to be done and what I want. I need to stop hiding and take a leap of faith....yes, that's what I have to do..."

 _Now, that's love, making you risk it all,_ Seulgi thought, smiling while she watched Lisa speaking so passionately, her voice growing steadier with each affirmation. Her friend had come a long way, from being downright derisive and disdainful of love to gradually opening her heart to the possibility of finding someone for her other than Jennie.

Seulgi had been there through it all, had stayed in the shadows watching as Lisa succumbed to the ugly sentiment of jealousy and envy rearing its head whenever Jisoo and Jennie were together. Her heart ached to save her friend from her fruitless obsession but in her view, nobody could really save Lisa except Lisa herself when she realised that Jennie would never have her.

During the two long years of Jisoo's absence, she had watched Lisa attempt to court Jennie many times: sometimes gentle, sometimes forceful, other times outright demanding for Jennie's love.

Jennie's words would forever remain imprinted in her head: _"You don't love me Lisa. If you loved me, you'd recognise that I haven't gotten over Jisoo. Even though she may be dead, she still lives in my heart and I wish wish wish I was with her right now. So please, stop hurting me and stop hurting yourself."_

Lisa had not taken kindly to Jennie's rejection, storming around on Leo and often running away to the beach to brood until Jisoo showed up and all hell broke loose.

But in comparison to Lisa's confused and angst-riddled days, Seulgi had never seen her more tranquil and relaxed in all the years of knowing her. Lisa's infatuation with Jennie caused only heartbreak, insanity and rot; Lisa's love for Chaeyoung blossomed like a flower in spring rain.

It was what had Seulgi convinced that this time round, Lisa had found the right person.

"Gi, do you suppose I could take some flowers for her? Get her a little curious," Lisa said with a mischievous wink. "I'm sure she'll be all curious and say, where did you get them? And I'd be like, wouldn't you like to know? And I'd leave her with that. And she would get all pouty, with her cheeks bunched up and maybe stomp her foot too. She's rather endearing when she tries to be mad."

"Really?" Seulgi said in amusement. "Because whenever I saw her angry she was practically breathing fire."

"She doesn't get mad like that anymore. She's much better now Gi." Lisa stood up, took out some shears and bent forward to cut a bunch of sunny yellow blooms at the stems. "There, all set. It should be lunch soon, let's go meet them."

Seulgi smiled as she stood up and dusted herself. "Nervous?"

Lisa smiled determinedly, clutching the flowers tightly. "Now or never."

>

"Lisa!"

Lisa spun around in alarm, holding the flowers behind her back as Jisoo, flanked by Joy and Yeri, marched up to her.

"Lisa where have you been? We've been looking all over for you!" Jisoo exclaimed.

"What's that you got behind you captain?" Yeri asked curiously and attempted to peer around Lisa.

"Nothing!" Lisa said quickly. "What's going on? What do you want me for? I already did my training with Chaeyoung—"

"It's not about Chaeyoung," Jisoo cut in, "we received word of some groups of bandits that have gathered forces and are terrorising a number of villages along the east coast some three days ride away from here. They swarm around, demanding food and money in return for not destroying anything. Trade has almost stopped because of blockades the bandits have set up and we only just received the villages' call of help. I'm mobilising a small battalion to help defend these villages and fight off the barbarians.

"I'm putting you in charge of the battalion. You need to organise the defence effort and take down the rogue bandits. Take them prisoners if you can and have the village hold their own trials and executions but stay out of judgements. Are we clear? This is your first mission, captain, and I expect nothing less than a resounding victory." 

Jisoo broke off with a wink. "No pressure or anything. Joy and Yeri will accompany you to assist you."

"Wha-but I..." Lisa stammered, tongue-tied all of a sudden. Her plans to confess to Chaeyoung crashed at her feet. "I...what about Chaeyoung? Who will watch over her? And train with her?"

"Seulgi will. I still have to find her and tell her," Jisoo said briskly. "I'm sending you for the job because you have the authority, unlike Seulgi. You're a captain and you're going to send a message to those looters. After what happened with Chaeyoung's village..." Jisoo turned away, "we can't afford to sit down and do nothing. We have troops, so let's use them to protect our people."

"I...okay?" Lisa croaked. On the one hand she was thrilled for her first solo mission but a side of her was disappointed for having to postpone her confession to Chaeyoung. After she had summoned the courage to express her feelings too...

"How long will we be away? A week?"

Jisoo pursed her lips. "Depending how efficient you are but I would say around four weeks, or more. They're not your typical ragtag group of rebel bandits Lisa. They're causing serious harm."

Lisa wasn't listening as Jisoo's voice faded into the background.

Four weeks. A month.

Four weeks without seeing Chaeyoung. Four weeks without hearing her laugh or her voice. Four weeks before she could see those warm brown eyes. Four weeks before she would be able to tell Chaeyoung just how much she meant to her.

"Lisa, are you listening to me?"

"I am," Lisa said quickly, nodding vigorously.

"Be on your guard for any suspicious movements," Jisoo warned. "We have reason to believe Hanaju's cult is behind this sudden spate of activity amongst bandits of the coast, they're agitating them or something. If it's to create a diversion to be able to attack us here and lure out Chaeyoung and Jennie...well we've prepared for them too."

At the mention of Hanaju's cult, Lisa's resolve hardened. This was an opportunity to avenge Chaeyoung for all the pain they inflicted on her. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as possible. Everyone is already saddled up, waiting for you. Cookie has your knapsack too."

"Right then, let me just say a quick goodbye to Chaeyoung," Lisa said, thinking quickly. "You didn't see her around by any chance, did you?"

"Oh I actually passed her on her way out to the courtyard," Yeri nodded, "I think she was headed to the training area?"

Lisa was off running past them as they stared after her fleeing figure.

"Did she...did she have flowers in her hands?" Joy said in wonder.

>

"Chaeyoung!"

Chaeyoung spun around on her heel, unconsciously brightening when she spotted Lisa emerging into the courtyard where they had daily training sessions to hone her powers.

"Lisa, hey!" she said happily. "Come back for another round?"

"Haven't you kicked my butt enough for today, princess?" Lisa panted, attempting a grin but it came out crooked.

Chaeyoung immediately frowned, sensing something wasn't right. "Oh...then, has something happened? Is someone ill?" She tried to look behind Lisa. "Are you hurt? Why are you holding your arm back?"

"Not important right now," Lisa rushed out, "Chaeyoung, have they told you that I'm...that I won't be here?"

Chaeyoung's brows knitted together. "What do you mean?"

"Some bandit gangs are rampaging around on the East coast. We believe it could possibly be the work of Hanaju's followers."

Chaeyoung stiffened at the name and Lisa stepped closer. "Jisoo has ordered me to quell their little uprising. I'll be away for up to four weeks or more," she finished softly.

Chaeyoung stared at her, blinking. "Four weeks?" she repeated.

_Four weeks without Lisa. Four weeks without seeing that lazy half-grin, four weeks without seeing the tufty ponytail swinging back and forth, four weeks without hearing Lisa's drawl and deadpan remarks, four weeks carrying the unspoken desire in her heart like a stone weighing her down._

_Four weeks without seeing Lisa at all..._

Why did the thought make her heart twist and drop into the pits of her stomach? Why did it make her want to cling to Lisa and beg to be taken along to protect her?

"I'll go with you," Chaeyoung said suddenly. She marched past Lisa, talking rapidly. "I'll go and tell Jennie and Jisoo, I can back you up, I know how to use fire, it will surely be of use—"

She stopped in her tracks when Lisa caught her hand.

"No," Lisa said gently. "You're staying here, where it's safe."

"If it's Hanaju's followers, you need all the help you can get to take them down!" Chaeyoung insisted.

"If they are indeed involved, I don't want to be responsible in delivering you to them," Lisa responded in a measured tone. "I'm past deluding myself that I'm invincible. I'm not. You shouldn't think you're invulnerable either."

"I don't! They...they kidnapped me for crying out loud!" Chaeyoung turned away, startled by her wavering voice. "I thought we were a team. Why do you have to be the one to go?"

"I'm the captain, I have authority. People need someone with authority to lead them."

"Aren't you supposed to be my bodyguard? Shouldn't you stay here in case we're attacked?" Chaeyoung pressed on petulantly. "I won't be able to look out for you. What if they get you somehow?"

"I'll be careful," Lisa promised. 

When Chaeyoung didn't say anything, Lisa sighed. "Chaeyoung I know you're dying to use your powers to do your part in protecting your country and your people. But remember what Jennie said. People are suspicious and scared of magic, no matter which side you're fighting on, no matter if you're protecting them."

Chaeyoung hated that Lisa was making sense. "Well, what if it's just a diversion?" she said loftily. "What if the cultists do attack here? Would Jennie trust me to use my powers then since my trusty bodyguard won't be around?"

"Jisoo has thought of this possibility too and she has prepared. I have faith in her plans," Lisa answered.

"Seems like everything is taken care of then," Chaeyoung said in defeat. She turned away from Lisa again, wrenching her hand out of the other girl's grasp although the action caused a pinch in her heart. She didn't let it deter her from sulking. 

"Well why are you still here? Go ahead then,they're probably waiting for their captain. Go on, I'll see you around..."

A part of Chaeyoung was yelling at her for being so stubborn and prideful for lashing out at Lisa. But another part was cycling through an array of emotions that Chaeyoung couldn't quite decipher as of yet: everything was tangled and confusing. What she was sure though, was that beneath it all lingered a sentiment of dread.

_What if we never see each other again? What if we never get to clear the air between us and take the next step? What even is the next step?_

They hadn't talked about the kiss yet, nor had they addressed the palpable tension that was present in the air between them whenever they were alone together in close proximity. Chaeyoung was mortified that her rosy cheeks betrayed her each time and hoped Lisa wasn't repulsed. Lisa wasn't a fan of emotions although lately, she seemed to be expressing herself more too.

"Chaeyoung, turn around."

Chaeyoung didn't react. She heard Lisa sigh and step up closer.

"Please, princess? I don't want us to be like this just when I'm about to leave," Lisa said, sounding strained. "I won't be seeing you for...some time. I don't want us being upset with each other while I'm away."

Chaeyoung felt her cheeks heat up at the plea in Lisa's voice, warmth spreading throughout the rest of her body as a shiver ran down her spine. She was starting to wonder if her fire powers were going a little haywire lately, the way she was blushing too easily in Lisa's presence which hadn't happened before.

With a huff, she spun around to be greeted with a mass of yellow.

"L-Lisa?" Chaeyoung covered her mouth, stunned and speechless in front of Lisa holding a handful of sunflowers, golden as sunny summer days.

Lisa smiled, pleased. "I figured you'd like some, since you seemed to take a liking for the bunch you bought for your flower arrangements." She handed them to Chaeyoung who took them eagerly, her face breaking into that enchanting smile as her eyes crinkled. Lisa let herself bask in the warmth Chaeyoung radiated, a sense of calm easing her restless soul.

There didn't need to be any complicated questions when it came to Chaeyoung, she realised that now. When Chaeyoung smiled, Lisa felt awash with contentment, reluctant for time to keep flowing and Chaeyoung deserved to know this, deserved to know the profound impact that Lisa couldn't deny anymore.

But she didn't want to make some rushed or hurried confession. Chaeyoung deserved to have explanations for everything Lisa felt and to do that, a mere brief instant together to tell her—like right now—would not suffice.

Lisa was certain—she wanted to spend the rest of her life showing Chaeyoung the extent of her devotion and depth of feelings. She needed more time, but time was what she didn't have.

"They're beautiful," Chaeyoung said in awe, touching the petals before she looked up at Lisa again, and Lisa swore she was drowning in sea of molten brown honey. "Thank you. But where did you....how—"

"Captain!"

Seulgi's sharp call broke the spell as the girl came loping into view. "Captain, Jisoo is gonna skin you alive if you don't go right now—oh hey Chaeyoung...."

"Curses," Lisa muttered, "alright, I'l be right along Gi."

"You were supposed to be right along some time ago! Jisoo is turfing up the ground like a bull—"

"I know I know. But I had to do something first." She gestured between her and Chaeyoung. "Give us a moment?"

Chaeyoung tried (and failed) not to blush when Lisa referred to them together. Really, maybe she was going down with something? Should she alert Jennie and the court doctor?

"Fine, don't be long," Seulgi warned before she slunk away, throwing Lisa a surreptitious wink. Lisa turned back to Chaeyoung and took her by the shoulders.

"Chaeng, listen to me," Lisa began earnestly, "I know you have a lot of questions right now and I was going to...to try and answer some of them at least. But now this came up and...I can't back out. I need you to promise that you'll stay here where it's safe, no matter what. I can't risk you being out in the open all by yourself."

"But..."

"But nothing," Lisa interrupted, "please, give me this peace of mind. Listen to Jisoo and Jennie. Whatever happens, don't reveal yourself. We're surrounded by enemies..." She looked at the silent girl pleadingly. "Chaeng..."

"Why do I have to stay? Am I some doll? Just a figurehead? Just some girl everyone's scared of because of my fire?" She gripped the sunflower's stems tightly. "When do I get to do something?"

"I don't know," Lisa sighed, "but I do know that I'm not afraid of you. Many people aren't afraid of you either. You have friends, unlike you think."

 _But I only want you._ Chaeyoung shook her head quickly to get rid of the thought that flashed through her mind before she could stop it. "What if you're hurt? What then? Who...who will train with me?"

That was a laughable excuse that had her inwardly wheezing (because how shallow and insensitive can you get to hide what you truly meant to say, Park Chaeyoung?); what she actually wanted to say ran deeper than her non-existent preoccupations for a training partner.

"I'll come back before you know it," Lisa promised softly, noticing how Chaeyoung's frown deepened when she dropped her hands back to her side. "And we'll talk. We'll talk a lot more."

On impulse, she let her guard fall, baring her face, wholly naked of any bravado to show what lingered behind her eyes, her fear: the dread of something happening that would prevent them from meeting again. 

By the looks of it, Chaeyoung understood as her eyes widened, taking in Lisa's vulnerable expression.

If Lisa were to bet, the gods were probably playing with the threads of fate again, tangling them to mess with their favourite plaything for amusement's sake. But she wasn't going to let her fate be dictated by anyone—she was going to return to Chaeyoung, to her home, the moment her work was done.

"I have so much to talk to you about, princess. Wait for me, okay?"

She wanted to hug the forlorn girl badly, even though Lisa never had been one to indulge in affectionate and comforting gestures. With her one-night stands, she never slept in to cuddle or snuggle with her conquest since she was cynical about romance and tenderness—that was for lovesick fools and sappy idiots.

It all changed with Chaeyoung. She was the exception that waltzed—no, stomped into her life and changed it for good. Ever since hugging and holding Chaeyoung at the beach, Lisa had been secretly yearning for another chance to hug Chaeyoung's lithe body, to feel her hair tickle her nose and to feel Chaeyoung's heart pounding beneath her fingertips as her hands roamed her back.

Every day, Lisa was discovering a new side to herself, thanks to Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung looked so lost and conflicted standing stock still in front of her, hanging on to the sunflowers as though they were a lifeline, that it was quite unsettling how quickly Lisa was ready to embrace her and hold her, yet it wasn't the right time.

There were too many unresolved tensions and unanswered questions. This time Lisa was lucid enough to think things through, as was Chaeyoung herself: hugging right now would be too much like a goodbye, too much like intimacy, too much like lovers, which they weren't.

Yet, the longing was unmistakably there, present in Lisa's fidgeting hands and Chaeyoung's almost imperceptible lean towards the captain

"I...I promise," Chaeyoung said at last, breaking the pregnant pause that stretched between them. Her eyes were rather bright and glossy but she raised her face defiantly. "I'll be waiting. So make sure you come back in one piece Manoban, or else."

Lisa grinned one last time as she walked backwards, winking giddily to leave their last greeting on a good note and cheer up Chaeyoung.

"Ask Cookie to show you the garden!" she called before she turned on her heel and jogged away, leaving a bemused Chaeyoung in her wake.


End file.
